If the status quo came carbonated in a can, I’d shake things up.

“Sometimes we can’t see what’s right in front of us, because it’s behind us, and…”

“If financial genius were legs, my girlfriend would own fourteen pairs of Jimmy …”

“Bricks could be used to pad the pockets of crooked politicians. Why stuff their…”

“I sell Ziploc bags. They’re not empty—they’re full of hope.”