If you want to find dirt on me, wait until after I’m dead and buried.

“Not only am I not my dad’s favorite child—I’m his only child.”

“When I go to a restaurant and they say, “How many in your party?” and I say, “O…”

“Though my stomach is only the size of a pea, I could eat two politicians’ brain…”

“I like sex. Let’s get a group together. You know, for a better discount.”