If you were to stack up all the stupid things I’ve done, you couldn’t clean them with a thousand dishwashers.

“I have a double-breasted suit. It’s got four nipples stitched on the front (two…”

“I want to end my life by eating so much Viagra that I go out like that movie an…”

“I asked possible witnesses about the invisible man shaped like a whisper, and n…”

“I’ll give you a treat to get in your cage. I’m rewarding you for punishing you.…”