If you’re going to hold a grudge, at least put on an oven mitt before you pick it up.

“There were two chairs, but there were three of us. So, being the gentleman I am…”

“I’m in a biker gang. We deal in drugs. Our chapter president is Lance Armstrong.”

“I really am who I seem to be, and I’m coming apart at the seams.”

“I didn’t have time to bury the money. All my precious time was taken up burying…”