If you’re hungry, eat one of my new starvation pills. They taste like silence.


“I let wine breathe. And I hold my breathe, so it can get all the air.”

“I’m a magician. I can make food appear—and out of my penis, no less.”

“I’d love to work with an Asian guy named Wu Hu, because just saying his name wo…”

“If I were to come back in another life, I’d like to be reincarnated as my own c…”