I’ll throw some dirty clothes under your car and claim you ran over my anorexic friend.

“I found Waldo. He was in a strip club. He was hard to spot, because he’d alread…”

“I plugged the hole up with my thumb, so at least I wouldn’t sink. But it was re…”

“I once got 7th place in a swim meet. Being top 8 is an accomplishment, especial…”

“I’d love to be a color commentator, but I can’t, because I’m white, and white i…”