I’ll trade you one dollar for five dollars. What, is my money no good here?

“There’s a 95% chance I’ll miss out on 5%.”

“My father went AWOL the day I got dishonorably discharged from his penis.
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“I may not be the greatest American, but I am a better American than all the peo…”

“I don’t break wind—I repair it. I am the anti politician, because when one spea…”