I’ll wear a fork on my head, and if anybody wants a job, they can eat salad off my scalp.

“When I smell small, my nose gets clogged up. Think what would happen if I whiff…”

“If I asked God to see into the future 50 years, and I couldn’t see myself, I wo…”

“Rather than dirt, I’d rather push a wheelbarrow full of books. Dirty books.”

“Too much nudity is a turn off. Especially if all that flesh is on one person.”