I’ll write something that’s 111% true. It’ll be so true that it’ll be 100% false.

“I called the police to report my missing mustache, but they didn’t take me seri…”

“My uncle's a big drinker. In fact, he just got a liver transplant. They replace…”

“Who stole my stew? I left it sitting in my stomach while I went to the bathroom…”

“A brick could be used like a fleeglebeegle, which in turn could be used like a …”