I’m a handyman. I work with my hand. I masturbate for a living. That’s right, I’m in politics.

“I eat overcast skies for breakfast, because sunlight isn’t filling enough. As a…”

“I was a bellman once. A bellman of love. The hospitality industry taught me a l…”

“I’m like a tree frog when it comes to birthdays. Basically, my thoughts on birt…”

“Grandpa had a good life, up until the day we slaughtered him and ate him. Hones…”