I’m a man of leisure. That’s because I have an English degree and can’t get a job.


“I want to do something spontaneous, like combust.”

“I retired at the age of 25, and it wasn’t until a few days later that I realize…”

“If love felt like furry sandpaper, would you ever be able to leave my nipples a…”

“I hate the phrase “Shit or get off the pot,” because I rarely cook with feces.”