I’m all out of beer like I’m all out of love. But I don’t drink beer, so who cares?

“Whether you’re a Democrat or a Republican, I think everybody can agree that pol…”

“I make love like a flamethrower would make a good ice machine. But that’s OK, b…”

“A blanket that has arms to hold you when you are sad, now that's what I call a …”

“I bought an empty safe, and I keep it empty, because safety doesn’t exist, so m…”