I'm allergic to fingers, so I have to eat pizza with my feet. You should see me eat on the run.

“The world may be running out of water, but it isn’t running low on music. Let t…”

“A blanket could be used to show people the benefits of sleeping with a parachut…”

“If I were a paper pusher for a living, I’d be pissed if my coworkers moved my d…”

“The only class I studied religiously was Christianity 101.”