I’m hungry to win. I should enter a hotdog eating contest.

“You know what’s not funny? Funny bones. No, at best they are only mildly amusin…”

“I was born with a lazy eye. It didn’t define me as a person. It did, however, d…”

“I keep my phone on vibrate, and I keep it close to my genitals. You should call…”

“Too many people talk about the weather, and not enough people talk about agricu…”