I’m in love with the customer service at Walmart. And by customer service I mean the customer is forced to self-checkout because there are two open lanes and 200 people trying to check out.

“I always thought I’d make a great backup singer. I don’t practice. It’s just pu…”

“I am the Zam Maz of love. Or at least I will be, once 572w167e74zx2.”

“Instead of putting a Band Aid on your cut finger, why not just amputate at the …”

“I’ll piss in a cup for you. You can run a drug test on it, or you can drink it.”