I’m no Arnold Schwarzenegger, but I have the definition of a dictionary. If you admire my calves now, just wait a few years. By that time, they’ll be fully grown and will make excellent hamburgers.

“I want to mail my mailman something. He always brings me mail, yet I never give…”

“I removed all the doors to our love, so you can’t lock yourself away from me. B…”

“I want to meet and marry a girl with the same last name as me, so I can show ho…”

“I feel like someone who has a parade named in their honor, and doesn’t get invi…”