I’m not going to lecture you on the error of your ways. Not until you fetch me a podium and a microphone. I’ll also need a screen, a projector, and a laser pointer.

“If my semen had chunks of crumbled brick in it, would you use yogurt to try to …”

“If I could adorn myself with a question, I’d wear a where. It would never go ou…”

“It’s not uncommon for me to be early to meetings by as much as a half a gallon.…”

“A cat purring on your lap while you sip hot tea, is there anything better? Oh, …”