I’m putting the word “Don’t” on my To Do list.


“I like to switch things up by keeping things the same. People never expect it.”

“It is with great sadness that I blow my nose.”

“If instead of saucers, UFOs looked more like breasts, I’ll bet there’d be a lot…”

“You made me dinner, so I made myself vomit—twice. Once to clear some room in my…”