I’m so constipated that every time I go to shit, the only thing that comes out is political rhetoric.

“My bed is better than all the rest. That’s why I just stand there staring at it…”

“Art is like a kite with an airplane propeller, OK? Artists are like people who …”

“I peed on the floor to get hired. Now I’m the janitor. 
”

“I’ll leave a note in the lobby that says, “Moved. 315.” You had a meeting with …”