I’m so silent I can hardly hear myself think. But that’s why I bought the scissors and the condom.

“A brick could be used to make love better. Faster isn’t always better. Don’t yo…”

“Things to do in an elevator: Install a glass display, like in a museum, over th…”

“I have a container full of yelling I keep in my kitchen. It makes a great clean…”

“If it’s invisible, I can’t remember if it’s there or not. And not only that, bu…”