I’m so tall I make midgets look like dwarves.

“Ever since I was fired for sleeping on the job I’ve worn a shirt and tie to bed.”

“Sitting down never feels so great as after standing for eight hours on someone’…”

“A brick is slow, when it’s lying on the floor. But fast when just thrown.
”

“As an extreme method of saving, I’d kidnap myself, if I thought I’d actually pa…”