I’m up for the Julius Caesar Author of the Year Award this year. I’m tremendously proud, considering Caesar is the guy who burned down the Library of Alexandria.

“I could save money if I ate my coworker’s pussy for lunch, rather than going to…”

“I’ll make a soup out of sound, and I’ll call it “Decibels.” You can get a cup o…”

“Writers fish for the right words like fishermen fish for, um, whatever those aq…”

“A blanket could be used to lay down the law. Lay it down over there, on top of …”