I’m very close to my dad. He’s about six inches away right now and snoring in my ears.

“In the name of freedom and redistribution of wealth, I’ve decided to grow a bea…”

“The Frosted Flakes sales team once described me as “Flakey.” I was highly flatt…”

“I collect collectivisms. I’ve already got socialism and communism, and all I ne…”

“Cats like to cuddle more than any other living creature, including zombies, whi…”