I’m winning over fans every day. They’re not my fans, but at least they’re losing and I’m winning.

“If love felt like furry sandpaper, would you ever be able to leave my nipples a…”

“A brick could be used to enhance your sex life. So what are you waiting for? Ge…”

“The patrons aren’t patronizing the store, and it’s not just the economy that’s …”

“There is nothing more romantic than candles and flowers, except candles that sm…”