It’s not fun to pet cats when you’ve already poured gravy on them, and you’re holding silverware.

“I think the perfect pen name is Quill McSeagull. Especially for writing flights…”

“I want to make love to the French Revolution. Or maybe just get some head from …”

“We made love like a John and a hooker, despite the fact that my name’s Jarod. A…”

“I feel like something warm. Apple pie, with two slices of bread and roast beef,…”