It’s times like these, in the middle of the night, that I wonder about the wisdom of nicknaming Florida “The Sunshine State.

“A flower blooms in my heart. You may call that love, but I call it water conser…”

“His shelf. Good. Noodle dust. Decaying brain collecting dust. Must insert it ba…”

“I make love like a leprechaun, and I cuddle like a rainbow—after a shower.”

“I stand to inherit a lot from my father, including high cholesterol and diabete…”