I’ve got a sizeable retirement nest egg. It’s an ostrich egg, and it’s going to make an omelet so big that it’ll produce enough leftovers for decades.


“I’m building a building from scratch, and I’m making it out of a giant itch.”

“We all wear uniforms, even if we’re conforming to unconformity. People who try …”

“This is a pickup line that’s sure to not work: I want to inquire if you’re in c…”

“I want to say something so embarrassing about September that even the leaves st…”