I’ve got semen stains on my shirt, and spaghetti stains on my underwear. Ah, but that’s life, no?

“From afar they looked like sexy legs, until I got closer and saw they belonged …”

“Last night the secrets of the universe were revealed to me, and they had nipple…”

“The fastest way for me to achieve self-improvement is with The Opponent Apparat…”

“I did not approve of your action—I was merely congratulating myself. What you m…”