I’ve had the paperwork sitting on my desk for the past nine months, waiting to be filled out and sent in. I feel like I’ve given birth to procrastination.

“Just to show my dad that I think he's number one, I bought him a urinal cake fo…”

“-Good thing you don’t own a mirror, Mr. Mirrorless, or you’d see how ugly you a…”

“He said he didn’t think he is good, but you can tell that secretly he thinks he…”

“My favorite color on canvas is nudity.”