Just because I’m hung up over my ex girlfriend, doesn’t mean I won’t hang up on her. Hell, I’ve already been put on hold for four hours. If she doesn’t come back in another three, I’m going to hang up and call right back.

“Oh, look, there are jobs available in Jacksonville! Today there are two jobs fo…”

“Before bed I do a bit of light reading. I’m reading a 50-pound book on midgets.”

“The only thing I have left to remember her by is the scent of her perfume. I ju…”

“I’ll trade my formal neckwear for your love, if your love has an equal or great…”