Karate, I get a real kick out of it. I would get a kick out of coffee, but I’ve got better ways of stirring, like renting Michael Phelps’ 400 IM time.

“After I go to the bathroom, I leave my hands wet as proof I washed them.”

“A brick could be used to stop a murder. Just wedge it in front of the door of t…”

“The burden of proof weighs a lot, but it’s not as heavy as a certain 19th centu…”

“If words were leaves, would you prefer fall or spring?”