Last night the secrets of the universe were revealed to me, and they had nipples.

“Sleeping in a tinfoil suit keeps me warmer and helps prepare me for my voyage t…”

“Coffee and donuts go together like government policy and subsequent poverty.”

“If a handicapped woman says she wants to be friends with benefits, I always ask…”

“There are an infinite number of reasons to say no. Instead, try to focus on one…”