Life's too short to take yourself seriously, and too long to take a wife jokingly.

“I try not to sell myself short, unless I’m giving myself a great price on the s…”

“I love so much you could probably see my affection from space with the naked ey…”

“Yesterday was my last day at work. My coworkers were so sad they all pitched in…”

“However, my next-door neighbors had an entirely different manner of eating. Whe…”