Life's too short to take yourself seriously, and too long to take a wife jokingly.

“Are you an Is there? or a There isn’t! kind of person? I’m more of an Is there …”

“When I’m lonely I stand in the corner and play my saxophone and feel sorry for …”

“I’d rather have a career that utilizes my creativity, but torturing people all …”

“The bus had one too many people on it (the driver), so all of them had to die. …”