Love doesn’t spend its time watering your plants. But it might bubblegum swank monkey mouth with you—twice.

“We all wear uniforms, even if we’re conforming to unconformity. People who try …”

“Like a spy, I planted a bug. Like a farmer, I watched it grow into a politician…”

“I would crack a smile, but I don’t like breaking things.”

“I need a bone saw—for the meatloaf I made for you, which looks suspiciously lik…”