Love has a certain weightlessness to it, much as my meaty penis would on the moon.

“In a relationship, I’m committed to giving her 100% of 50%.”

“It’s true, I can’t make you love me. But I can refuse to let you out of your ca…”

“If I look like I haven’t slept for eight hours, it’s because I haven’t. Oh, I w…”

“I can scratch “scratch myself” off my list of things to do.”