Love is the sound of footsteps behind you in a dark hallway. Why does it seem like I’m walking on grass, rather than carpet?

“Can you tell by where my eyes are looking what I’m thinking? Hint: I’m staring …”

“My life motto: My brakes are broke, but luckily my gas pedal works just fine.
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“A brick could be used as a floatation device. But only use it if the person dro…”

“I like mirrors as much as the next guy, except if the next guy is my clone.”