Me and my girlfriend aren’t a good fit. Her clothes are much too small for me.

“A unicorn breathes rainbows like a dragon breathes fire. My coffee breathes Jar…”

“Love is as iffy as Kipling.”

“If my doctor told me I only had five minutes to live, I’d probably change all t…”

“I don’t care about being cool. I just want to be loved by half the world (100% …”