Me: Did you get your tree yet?
Ken: I'm a Jew, I don't decorate Christmas trees.
Me: So you're going to go with a wreath instead?
Ken: I just told you, I'm a Jew.
Me: Oh, I get it. You're looking for a cheap wreath.
Ken: I'm not looking for a wreath at all. Leave me alone, will you.
Me: You're probably just tense because you haven't finished your Christmas shopping.
Ken: I don't Christmas shop.
Me: What are you telling me? That you make all of your presents.
Ken: I don't give Christmas presents period. Goddamit, I told you, I'm a Jew.
Me: Well, don't you at least need to buy something for your parents?
Ken: They're Jews, too, idiot. That's what makes me one. It's hereditary. Do you understand?
Me: Sure.
Ken: Say the words "I understand."
Me: I understand. So where are you going to hang your stocking?

Auteur: David Sedaris