Mondays are mundane, like Tuesdays minus 24 hours.


“A brick could be placed on your child’s cafeteria lunch tray, in place of the l…”

“I want to publish a book on toilet paper—not only about toilet paper, but actua…”

“If a woman asked me how far I’d go on a first date, my reply would be 69 miles.…”

“What I’m doing is not doing anything, and I’m doing a half-ass job.”