Most people like winners, but I prefer underdogs. They’re more fun to pet.

“I can’t offer you anything to drink, but I can offer you an excuse. Would you l…”

“If I knew what you’d do, exactly when you knew what you’d do, then I’d either b…”

“If kids six and under eat free, then I’m an infant. Or at least infantile. Brin…”

“I have half a mustache. It was a gift from my father, who bought one with a Buy…”