Most people walk along the beach hoping to find a fossilized Megalodon shark’s tooth or something. But not me. I walk along hoping to find a fossilized pirate with a fossilized wooden leg, for my collection, which I’ll start once I find the first one.

“I went out on a limb, because that’s where the noose was.”

“Lead is to lead as follow is to follow. And lead is to lead as a type of metal …”

“I like sex. Let’s get a group together. You know, for a better discount.”

“If I see a homeless person begging for change, I might give them money, if they…”