Mr. Pullum is a dick, and if he were two dicks, he’d like to pullum both.

“I’m in danger of losing my job as official scribe to my inner voice.”

“A brick could be used to monitor earthquakes. If the brick crumbles apart, you …”

“Fear is like a car. Either you control it, or you let it paralyze you.”

“I had no idea he thought he was funny, tried to be funny, or actually is funny …”