My asshole smells like a paper mill. Three cheers for being a writer.

“A brick could be used as a way to motivate yourself to succeed. I’m proof that …”

“I once went toe to toe with an international thumb war champion.”

“If I had a choice between walking along a sidewalk with no rails and a thousand…”

“It’s not: I jumped in, and it was cold. No. It was cold, and I jumped in. Alway…”