My banana is decomposing in my pocket. I was happy to see you, but now I’m brown and soft and sort of squishy.

“I’m 30% in love, and if I ever rise to 70%, then I’ll be 100% in love. But I’ll…”

“Were you aware that my sister looks like my brother? They both look nonexistent.”

“Messages written across the chest of women’s t-shirts are great, because I can …”

“I’m romantic. I’ll try to make your bed while you’re still sleeping in it.”