My car rides smooth like I’m driving a cloud. If I park it at your house, I may get rainwater on your living room carpet.

“My sheets are so white they look like Google’s homepage. They even have a touch…”

“If I’m going to write a book every American will want to read, it’s got to have…”

“I skinned a skunk to make a rug. You know, for the bathroom.”

“Her name was Penny, and she was good looking. She wasn’t a dime, but she wasn’t…”