My couch is coffee-colored. I can thank Starbucks and clumsiness for that.

“I work as a husband, but I’m also trying to get employment as a neighbor. Sugar…”

“He wasn’t a Have, and he wasn’t a Have Not. He was a midget, so he was a shorte…”

“I have a mustache like a squirrel and you just ran over my face.”

“You could get 50% wrong and you’d still get 50% right. That’s nearly half!”