My dad always used to tell me __________________. My dad never told me anything. He had nothing to say, and even less to say to me.

“I cut my face shaving, and all those little pieces of toilet paper stuck to my …”

“I’m not a good liar, and that makes me a good liar, because liars are bad, and …”

“As a writer, I need more exposure. I think I’ll take off my pants. Would you mi…”

“I love giving love. The more I give, the more I have to give.”