My favorite pen is my penis. Put my words in your mouth.

“I took a nap and used a napkin as a blanket. Obviously it was a small nap.
”

“I should make a tongue condom shaped like an oven mitt, so my mouth’s spoken la…”

“During conversation, I have no problem making eye contact—with myself in the mi…”

“Let’s say you’re a politician. You’re still you, but you are an elected officia…”