My girl didn’t step out on me. She just stood in the doorway and wouldn’t close the door.

“We had a blast at my magical birthday party. There were midgets, fairies, glass…”

“I saw a white toilet, with no plumbing, alone in a field of snow. Well, almost …”

“My wife told me she’d meet me at the mall, and I said, “Don’t be silly. We’ve a…”

“On cloudy days I just want to raise my arm up, stand on my toes, and screw a li…”