My hands fell asleep, so I washed them with hot coffee. Then I had donuts for breakfast, by way of spinning circles in my car and burning rubber in the parking garage of my office building.

“I’d love to try to sell a blank white canvas to an art dealer. And when he asks…”

“One day I want to be so wealthy I can say to my wife, “let’s take a drive—to th…”

“If facial expressions had fur, then I’d snuggle your sneer. It’s so ugly it’s c…”

“She asked for soup, and I served her cereal. Our love was in the breakfast stag…”